AskAdeola – Younger or Older men, which is better when looking for commitment?

Question: “So someone told me that I should be looking to date more older and mature men, what are your thoughts? Do you think dating someone younger than me isn’t good if I want commitment?”

I believe that with age comes wisdom, however, that man or woman has a choice to adhere and implement said wisdoms. A younger man, who has good intentions and does right by himself and the woman he’s with is far wiser than an older man who should know better. Maturity is indeed a huge factor, however, based on personal experiences, I find that it’s not just men, but, BOTH men and women that mature at different rates. There are a lot of men and women all sorts of ages who simply need to get their lives together and then there are those that have it figured out. At our core we all know what’s right, but we’re selfish human beings who want to explore, enjoy life’s pleasures, and test the waters until it bubbles over. Folks do this until they realize there’s a void and something is missing and they finally want substance, typically men (but there are plenty of women with this thinking as well). 

What I’ve come to learn is that you, me, or anyone for that matter has no right to make assumptions. Some men simply are ready and others are not. You can tell who is, who is on the cusp and who is just plain floating in water waiting to find their way to shore. It just depends. Cause lawd knows there are plenty of married men still living like bachelors.

So what are some tell tale signs to help you as you’re dating? Well here are a few things I find to be true:

  1. Men are intentional in their feelings. There is no second guessing. If he wants you, he wants you. Simple.
  2. People make time for what they want, so if the guy you’re dating can’t make time for you in some capacity then you’re probably not a priority.
  3. If he doesn’t make you feel like his queen then YOU’RE NOT. 
  4. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Watch what he does and not what he says.
  5. If you’re still dating a man after 4 months and he hasn’t made any mention of starting a relationship, it is time to move on, because the purpose of that preliminary dating phase is to see if it makes sense to even get in a relationship with each other. It’s to find out if you’re compatible and have the same goals etc. The relationship phase is the get to know each other on a deeper and truer level. What makes you happy, tick, what are your life dreams and so on. 
  6. Last but certainly not least, TRUST YOUR GUT! You know damn well you shouldn’t be with that guy, you feel it. You’ve felt it since the beginning. Stop tricking yourself into thinking it will work. It won’t.

So, the answer to your question is NO. No, it doesn’t matter if you date someone younger or older than you. Remember, commitment isn’t based on age. 

Hope this helps. 🤗 

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