Question : Hi Adeola, I’m in a place in my life where I want to explore something a little different. I recently reconnected with a friend from the past 4 months ago and he was very clear about what he wanted. He wants to get to know me more than he has before and he is really looking for a serious relationship. I said okay, why not try something new and different. He is a Ukranian-Caucasian male, very polite and very chivalrous. Something that I’m not used to getting from African American males even the nice and educated ones. I don’t think African American males are attracted to me romantically I always feel safer and warmer with Caucasian males. … Trust me, I love a black man but majority of them only puts me in the friend zone. My fear is that people will judge us when I decide to go public about my romance with this guy. How do I confront people who will most likely be against this?
First things first.
1. Do you like him and are you physically and emotionally attracted to him?
If the answer is yes, let’s proceed.
Isn’t it amazing when a guy knows what he wants and can articulate to you in such a manner that you can’t even be mad?
Now, my question to you is why are you afraid to make yourself happy at the expense of others? Why are you so concerned about the opinions of others on the choices you make with YOUR life? Hunny, no matter what you do, who you’re with, there will ALWAYS be those who are happy for you and those who aren’t. It’s as simple as that. If your main reason for not wanting to explore this relationship and get to know this guy is because you’re afraid of what people will perceive; then, honestly I don’t think you’re ready for it. Who are you living your life for? Yourself or others?
People will ALWAYS have something to say. If you genuinely like the guy and think he has potential, I say go for it. You’re only doing yourself a disservice. You mentioned that he made his intentions clear to you. He knows what he wants and he wants you. Make sure you make your intentions known as well. Provide full disclosure on your expectations. Let him know if you’re ultimately trying to find the one to settle down with or just trying to see where this goes. There is nothing wrong in knowing what you want. He’s given you his position, let him know yours.
Let’s say you start dating and getting to know each other. Make sure you take your time. Go at your own pace. Just because he’s ready for a relationship doesn’t mean you should start one. Get to know him; do your due diligence and see how you interact in public and private. Find out if he has good intentions, respects you and has a good heart. See if you even get along. Remember, if at any point, you feel things are moving too fast you have every right to push the pause button. Especially, if you realize this isn’t want you want anymore. Don’t let anyone change your mind or talk you into anything. If it doesn’t happen to work out, be glad and move on. Don’t fret and don’t be sad just take away the lessons you learned from it. Beyoncé once sang, “thank god [he] blew it, thank god [you] dodged a bullet”. 😂
I noticed you mentioned loving black men, etc. I need you to know you DO NOT have to explain yourself to me or anyone for that matter. You’re allowed to like, date, love whoever and whatever you want. It’s your life, make the decisions that’ll make you happy. You’re allowed to have preferences. Just know, there are plenty of dogs out there, black, white or green. It doesn’t matter, if a man doesn’t want to be with you, they won’t. If you told me that you wanted to be single and have 20 cats for the rest of your life, I couldn’t judge you. At the end of the day your life choices will not determine how I live my life, so I can’t knock your hustle, as long as YOU’RE HAPPY.
So, if you were looking for a friend to talk you out of this, then hunny, you came to the wrong place. I’m rooting for you, I’m rooting for your happiness and rooting for your success. Now go call that man. ☺️😜
Don’t forget my wedding invite if it all works out. ❤