Interracial Dating – Should I Do It? 





Question : Hi Adeola, I’m in a place in my life where I want to explore something a little different. I recently reconnected with a friend from the past 4 months ago and he was very clear about what he wanted. He wants to get to know me more than he has before and he is really looking for a serious relationship. I said okay, why not try something new and different. He is a Ukranian-Caucasian male, very polite and very chivalrous. Something that I’m not used to getting from African American males even the nice and educated ones. I don’t think African American males are attracted to me romantically I always feel safer and warmer with Caucasian males. … Trust me, I love a black man but majority of them only puts me in the friend zone. My fear is that people will judge us when I decide to go public about my romance with this guy. How do I confront people who will most likely be against this?


First things first.

1. Do you like him and are you physically and emotionally attracted to him?

If the answer is yes, let’s proceed.

Isn’t it amazing when a guy knows what he wants and can articulate to you in such a manner that you can’t even be mad?

Now, my question to you is why are you afraid to make yourself happy at the expense of others? Why are you so concerned about the opinions of others on the choices you make with YOUR life? Hunny, no matter what you do, who you’re with, there will ALWAYS be those who are happy for you and those who aren’t. It’s as simple as that. If your main reason for not wanting to explore this relationship and get to know this guy is because you’re afraid of what people will perceive; then, honestly I don’t think you’re ready for it. Who are you living your life for? Yourself or others?

People will ALWAYS have something to say. If you genuinely like the guy and think he has potential, I say go for it. You’re only doing yourself a disservice. You mentioned that he made his intentions clear to you. He knows what he wants and he wants you. Make sure you make your intentions known as well. Provide full disclosure on your expectations. Let him know if you’re ultimately trying to find the one to settle down with or just trying to see where this goes. There is nothing wrong in knowing what you want. He’s given you his position, let him know yours.

Let’s say you start dating and getting to know each other. Make sure you take your time. Go at your own pace. Just because he’s ready for a relationship doesn’t mean you should start one. Get to know him; do your due diligence and see how you interact in public and private. Find out if he has good intentions, respects you and has a good heart. See if you even get along. Remember, if at any point, you feel things are moving too fast you have every right to push the pause button. Especially, if you realize this isn’t want you want anymore. Don’t let anyone change your mind or talk you into anything. If it doesn’t happen to work out, be glad and move on. Don’t fret and don’t be sad just take away the lessons you learned from it. Beyoncé once sang, “thank god [he] blew it, thank god [you] dodged a bullet”. 😂

I noticed you mentioned loving black men, etc. I need you to know you DO NOT have to explain yourself to me or anyone for that matter. You’re allowed to like, date, love whoever and whatever you want. It’s your life, make the decisions that’ll make you happy. You’re allowed to have preferences. Just know, there are plenty of dogs out there, black, white or green. It doesn’t matter, if a man doesn’t want to be with you, they won’t. If you told me that you wanted to be single and have 20 cats for the rest of your life, I couldn’t judge you. At the end of the day your life choices will not determine how I live my life, so I can’t knock your hustle, as long as YOU’RE HAPPY.

So, if you were looking for a friend to talk you out of this, then hunny, you came to the wrong place. I’m rooting for you, I’m rooting for your happiness and rooting for your success. Now go call that man. ☺️😜

Don’t forget my wedding invite if it all works out. ❤

AskAdeola – Younger or Older men, which is better when looking for commitment?



Question: “So someone told me that I should be looking to date more older and mature men, what are your thoughts? Do you think dating someone younger than me isn’t good if I want commitment?”


I believe that with age comes wisdom, however, that man or woman has a choice to adhere and implement said wisdoms. A younger man, who has good intentions and does right by himself and the woman he’s with is far wiser than an older man who should know better. Maturity is indeed a huge factor, however, based on personal experiences, I find that it’s not just men, but, BOTH men and women that mature at different rates. There are a lot of men and women all sorts of ages who simply need to get their lives together and then there are those that have it figured out. At our core we all know what’s right, but we’re selfish human beings who want to explore, enjoy life’s pleasures, and test the waters until it bubbles over. Folks do this until they realize there’s a void and something is missing and they finally want substance, typically men (but there are plenty of women with this thinking as well).

What I’ve come to learn is that you, me, or anyone for that matter has no right to make assumptions. Some men simply are ready and others are not. You can tell who is, who is on the cusp and who is just plain floating in water waiting to find their way to shore. It just depends. Cause lawd knows there are plenty of married men still living like bachelors.

So what are some tell tale signs to help you as you’re dating? Well here are a few things I find to be true:

  1. Men are intentional in their feelings. There is no second guessing. If he wants you, he wants you. Simple.
  2. People make time for what they want, so if the guy you’re dating can’t make time for you in some capacity then you’re probably not a priority.
  3. If he doesn’t make you feel like his queen then YOU’RE NOT.
  4. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Watch what he does and not what he says.
  5. If you’re still dating a man after 4 months and he hasn’t made any mention of starting a relationship, it is time to move on, because the purpose of that preliminary dating phase is to see if it makes sense to even get in a relationship with each other. It’s to find out if you’re compatible and have the same goals etc. The relationship phase is the get to know each other on a deeper and truer level. What makes you happy, tick, what are your life dreams and so on.
  6. Last but certainly not least, TRUST YOUR GUT! You know damn well you shouldn’t be with that guy, you feel it. You’ve felt it since the beginning. Stop tricking yourself into thinking it will work. It won’t.

So, the answer to your question is NO. No, it doesn’t matter if you date someone younger or older than you. Remember, commitment isn’t based on age.

Hope this helps. 🤗

Let Go.

Let go, leave, move on from any and all relationships you’re in, that if, the only time you smile, is when you’re recalling when he/she/we/us “used to”.

Many of us, tend to carry around the weight of what once was. We hold on to the past and carry it with us hoping and praying that things will go back to normal. Return to what it used to be. People change, and relationships grow apart and that’s okay; it’s part of life. If you’re not growing together or at least acknowledging your differences and actively trying to be in each other’s lives then it’s time to move on. If you’re stuck in the “I wish things were the same” phase, here’s what I need you to do:

  1. Breathe, deeply.
  2. Realize that people grow in different directions. (the people in our lives are like parts of a tree; leaves, branches, and roots. Those leaves (people) that supported you, challenged you were there for a season; they served their purpose).
  3. Do remember the amazing memories and forgive the negative ones
  4. Wish them luck; bitterness and anger will only hinder you

So, stop holding on to what once won’t bring it back. Now, if you believe that relationship, friendship or situationship is worth it, then fight for it…but remember it has to be a dual fight.

Let Go. Balance is key.